Let it out, Laugh, Cry, Create

I have been experiencing many emotional moments lately. I could list a variety of reasons or excuses for these occurrences but what does it really matter? What matters is how I make it through it all and what I decide to do afterwards.  We all deal with conflict, change, drama, negativity, sadness, disappointment, grief in different ways. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I take all the feelings and make something out of it. 


"So, the way that crying and laughing are similar is that in both cases, it is a releasing of resistance in a moving downstream. So, sometimes crying is being in a desperate place and just crying releases some resistance and moves you in the direction of downstream. Laughing always moves you, in other words, when you are really feeling humor it's always a downstream from where you are."from Jamie Southworth's FB page


When I ignore overwhelming feelings and try to bottle them up I end up having dreams that are very vivid and often work through some of what is troubling me while I sleep. I often remember these dreams when I wake. 


" Last night I dreamed about being in a desert valley. I was up on a plateau watching both of my sons wander through a meandering pathway in the sand that would lead them home. I was up so high and could see where they should go but all I could do to help was yell directions. They were not listening and were pestering each other so I was yelling at them to be nice to one another and threatening that I would call their dad if I had to. In the dream I felt  frustrated that I was up high on the hill and was trying to get down to where they were but every time I tried to find a way down the cliff was too steep and treacherous. I could not risk injuring myself on the way down because then what good would I be to my boys. I had to backtrack and go further away from them and trust them on their own in order to get to a place where I could get down safely and join them on our journey home. In the dream I remember feeling helpless, out of control and scared for all of us. "

Often the challenges I face as a Mom are like the ones I faced in this dream. There is not always an easy solution.  I have to trust that I have prepared my kids to face some things on their own.  I will not always be by their side and they will have each other. Some day when I watch them from Heaven above they will continue the pathway of life together as brothers. 
I know this may sound a bit morbid but having lost my Dad over a year ago my thoughts often drift to places like this.  I feel him watching over us and it provides great comfort and I receive such healing from my dreams and thoughts of my Dad. I will see reminders of him or one of my sons will sing a song my Dad used to sing. I often look at the clock at a certain time each day and I know my Dad is not far away. How far away is Heaven really anyway?