17th Wedding Anniversary

As we celebrate our 17th Wedding Anniversary

I share this poem of our life together

We were a lucky young couple with no idea of the journey we would take together as man and wife. We had such an amazing wedding and reception surrounded by our family and friends. So many loved ones all came together to celebrate us.  Memories we will never forget no matter how many years pass.
It began for Ken and I as a wonderful friendship and grew to be so much more. Here is our story in a poem I wrote just for him but share now with all of you.

Sitting under a small shade tree upon a hill

     wondering what lay ahead.

I was lonely, regretful, and confused

     sitting in my sadness.

You came to sit nearby

     and you were lonely too.

We talked and dreamed and talked some more

     as the sun lowered in the sky.

Our thoughts, fears, dreams, goals floated freely

     from our hearts and mouths 

     to mingle in the dark stillness.

Twinkling stars winked at us, 

     the celestial reminders that in the darkness

     magical mysteries are revealed. 

We found peace in each other's presence

     souls connected by a bond

     of care and understanding.

The shelter we shared together grew

     blossoming like our love.

We moved closer under the tree

     on the carpet of blooms

     enjoying the perfume released by the petals.

Tingling excitement at the touch 

     of your warm hand in mine.

You held me in your heart

     and we knew we would be forever.

Together we could be strong

     united by a common vision of life

     in this world where we knew all of the answers.

Vows of commitment for eternity

     made our family tree strong.

No storm could break the roots free 

     from their grasp deep in the soil. 

A longing grew between us 

     to share our love and lives.

So our tree bore fruit that added

     such sweetness to our souls.  

We would never be the same. 

Our vision of the world lengthened

     beyond our hill and stretched the universe.

The dark stillness held new mysteries

     to which we had no answers.

Lessons were learned as our branches bent and twisted

     in the winds of time and tests,

     leaving some leaves quite ragged. 

At times we wondered and wished upon those same twinkling stars

     that the soil would not sink around us

     revealing our tender roots.

So much worry, pain and fear climbed into our tree

     wrapping its vines around our once strong branches

     and trying to make a home.

Our love was too strong.

Our tree too fertile.

We grew through the storms and the drought

     and found sustenance in our hope. 

The withering vine was torn away by the Glorious Gardener

     and replaced with an abundance of buds

     filled with possibilities. 

The tree of life again bore fruit

     and although one did not ripen for harvest,

     another grew with promise for a new reason.

Our branches stretch wide and far 

     to shelter all we love

Our leaves are green and healthy

     fertilized from above.

Our tree is strong and wise

     with many rings of time.

We have weathered a lot and stand tall

     with our branches held high.

Winds will continue to blow 

     and rain will continue to fall.

We will be together throughout it all. 

-Laurie Barone

Lone Sunflower

                                The Lone Sunflower

The area where I live in Texas has some rural fields that have wildflowers growing in them and also along the roads. The flowers vary depending upon the time of year.  Most of the very hot summer you will see many clusters of sunflowers.  I have heard that this type is called a Mexican Sunflower Tree.  When I moved here a year ago the sight of the sunflowers was very comforting because they reminded me of a dear friend who happens to have a green thumb and a warm heart.  She has a way with sunflowers and grew a mammoth one a few summers ago.  Just seeing it brought out the excited little girl within me.  I remember watching giant sunflowers grow at my school in Kindergarten.  They seemed so tall, looking at them through my 5 year old eyes. The sunflower my friend nurtured made me feel so small again and it took me back in time.  God finds little ways to remind us that we are his children no matter what age.  And that his creations around us are glorious if we take off our blinders and look around.

Field full of Mexican Sunflowers 

 My 13 year old son taught me how to take off the blinders and see the details that add fun and color to our lives. He spoke at a very young age and would say "kite"and you better believe there was a kite somewhere in the vicinity.  He was all about the details.  I learned to notice them along with him.  Seeing the world through a child's eyes is wonderful. If you have not experienced this ever or in a long time I highly recommend it.  Have a play date and go somewhere they have not been before and let them take the lead, listen and let them talk. See what they have to say about the world around them. I guarantee you will learn something.  

That same 13 year old son is now totally annoyed when I take time to pull off the road on the way somewhere to take a picture of a field of sunflowers or an amazing sunset.  He is in a hurry to get there and grow up. "Focus" on the task at hand and "no goofing around". These are things I have taught him through the years to prepare him for being that responsible adult, you know, the one with the blinders on?  I need to remind him of the things he has taught me. There is a time for focus and a time for goofing off and if you can organize that time, you can manage to do both.  

I learned a lesson recently about why it is important to take that time when you think of it instead of putting it off for another day.  I was taking my usual route down the road and noticed that the field of sunflowers was gone. I thought it was against the rules to mown down wildflowers in Texas but I guess only in protected areas.  I looked for any trace of what was once there and saw this one lone sunflower amid the dry cracked soil.  It was a survivor and a beautiful bright yellow reminder.  Others passing by may not even notice it in the vast field but I saw it there.  I pulled over and snapped a picture to show my Mom that those fields she had admired when she visited a couple of weeks before were no more. And that was when I thought about how lucky I was to have seen them before they were mowed down and how glad I was to have captured their beauty in a picture to share with others.  Enjoy beauty when you first see it. Take the time to admire it fully. It may not be there when you do go to seek it.  

The Lone Sunflower
Our Reminder

Two years since you left.....

It has been two years since my Dad passed away, yet it seems not so long ago.  So much has happened in the past two years. A new job for my husband, a big move across several states, and my in laws also relocated to another state immediately following our move. At first all of the changes and transitions were overwhelming in the fog of loss I was feeling. Change is never easy but along with it comes growth and I have done quite a bit.  The whole family has grown. We are stronger emotionally, learning more about different places and people, and depending on each other as a family for support.  

Recently I heard someone speaking about leaving their body during surgery and he said that the body dies but that is all that dies and those words really made me think. All of my memories with my Dad are of us together and I grieve the loss of being with him but I have felt comforted realizing that he is still around me in a way he never could be before.  A recent article on the loss of a parent said it so well,

"We do not need the wisdom of philosophers or books to tell us that we cannot  go home again, that nothing will ever be the same after losing a parent. Mom or  Dad will not be there to applaud our adult accomplishments or offer direction  at critical crossroads, to worry about us when we are ill, or telephone  "just to say hello." The dynamics and the history of our family are irrevocably  changed. So are we. We now move to center stage to leave our mark on the world. But we do not  move forward alone. We bring along with us a rich store of treasures from our  childhood and adulthood- hard-learned lessons and principles, fond and  painful memories, family celebrations and traditions. We bring who we are,  thanks to the love, nurturing, and guidance we received in our formative years  from the parent(s) whose presence we now miss. Our life has not lost its meaning; indeed, it has taken on new meaning as we  bury part of our past and write a new chapter in our lives. And, believing in  God’s promise of a life hereafter, we can look forward to a heavenly family reunion."  written by Judy Ball is a free-lance writer living in Cincinnati. She is the  director of communications for the Ohio province of the Sisters of  Notre Dame de Namur. My Dad died suffering with congestive heart failure and stage 4 kidney disease. His strong body was tired and worn out.  The human body is an amazing creation but                                                         it was not made to live forever and when it starts to fade the suffering begins.  My Dad was strong to the end. His biggest complaint was not being able to take a deep breath.  I recently had bronchitis and found it hard to breathe.  I could not help but think of my Dad taking his shallow breaths and wishing for more.  I would have done anything I could to lessen his discomfort but it was beyond me.  He wanted to see his grandsons grow older and was not ready to leave us so he prolonged his time by having heart surgery to replace his aortic valve.  This major surgery gave us the gift of another year.  During this year it was necessary for him to be in rehabilitation at a nursing facility.  He also had to start going to dialysis. My Mom went there often to take him lunch during the procedure.  One day I went along and finally realized what dialysis really meant.  There was my Dad hooked up to this large intimidating medical machine with tubes colored red with his blood.  The machine made a purring cyclical sound as it cleaned the toxins from his blood since the kidneys were unable.  They were fading from his body along with his heart. He was beginning to leave us.  He spent alot of time there and I now wonder what he thought about.  He never discussed it.  We all tried not to dwell on sadness or things that were out of our control. My Dad believed some things best left unsaid. I was the odd one in the family that said it all.  The dialysis center was always full, patients of all ages in each recliner, with the same tubes, many shades of red, as the machine filtered their blood. This process takes and it gives. I always prayed that it gave them so much more than it took.  My Dad lives on in his children and grandchildren. He shared his values, lessons and stories with us through the years. I recall bits of conversations and advice he gave. At the time I was not always a willing listener and thought I knew it all. He had a way of talking with authority and compassion and I did listen.  He spoke from his experience, and his own life lessons.  He was the only child of George and Annie Lou, born in Alabama.  Both parents were hard workers. His Dad was a carpenter and General Contractor and his Mom was a seamstress, working in a dry cleaner and once in a factory making undergarments. My Dad worked hard to put himself through college to become a Pharmacist, working summers and getting scholarships to help him achieve his goal.  I once found a letter he had written in college to his parents in which he stated that he was trying to make them proud.  He owned a drug store throughout our childhood and became his own boss. This is the independence he had strived for through the years. The Drug Store was a huge part of or lives and we learned so much from being there. Working there as a teenager I got to see my Dad in a different way.  He was so caring to his customers. He would go out of his way to help people in need. They called him Doctor Don, lovingly.  Years after he closed the drugstore and retired he would see old customers and they would ask him if he was Doctor Don. They always spoke of wonderful memories getting nickel candy or eating at the fountain in his drug store.  My Dad taught us so much through the drug store. He was responsible, caring, independent, and proud.  Everything he did was to benefit others. He never had the newest wardrobe, the fanciest car, or expensive toys. He paid for his children's college educations and wanted us to never struggle as he had.  He taught me how to make big decisions by writing out a list of pros and cons. I still do this and highly recommend it. Seeing it written out on paperhelps you see it more clearly. I could go on and on about all the ways he taughtme valuable lessons. I just hope that I can have as strong an impact on my boysand loved ones as my Dad has had on me.  My Dadmy teachertaught through love           through talks          through example My Dadmy leadershowed me the wayshowed me myselfthrough his eyes My Dadmy fanloved me alwaysencouraged me onwardstold me what I needed to hear My Dadmy role modelwas not always perfectadmitted his mistakeswas always himself My Dad will always be my teachermy leadermy fan and my role modelHe is part of me. LB 2-20-2012

Beginning again

A big move for my family and I a few months back has kept me quite busy getting settled so I have not been able to Blog about creative escapes because I really have not done much of that. My energies have been spent in adapting to a whole new environment. 

Jumping through the hoops of a cross country relocation is exhausting. Moving away from family and friends is exhausting. Helping my children adapt to a new home, new school, and new neighborhood is exhausting.  It is an exciting adventure but I am finding myself a bit numb. Lots of questions running through my mind and I am so used to having all of the answers. Before the move I was totally in my element.  My compass has been shook up. 

                                          Is it really time to go

                                          So hard to leave

                                          Goodbyes to all that was

                                           In the place i knew so well

Our lives in boxes

Organized chaos

Headed down a new road

To our future

Sounds so far away

   But it is not

                                           Anxious excitement

                                           New possibilities

                                           Beautiful air

                                           Wishful chances

                                           Beginnings

                                           Starting again

                                          Where are we

                                          Who are we

                                          Who am I

                                          What do I do

                                          What do I not do

                                          How to begin

                                           Begin

                                           Begin

                                           And begin again & again.

There is alot of time to adjust and that is what we will continue to do. With challenges we grow and we are all in this together. I am so grateful for the small blessings each new day brings. I have found wonderful new neighbors, rekindled an old friendship, and am embracing our new home of Texas, where the stars shine bright. 

What to do and how to find the time

I can remember being a young girl and asking my Mom what I could do because I was so bored.  So I would draw or sing or play with dolls. Now in my moments, few and far between, of me time I sometimes find myself with a long list of wonderful things to do but not enough time in between the responsibilities to do them.


I have taken up pottery in the last couple of years and find it very therapeutic. I make silly little creations and have loads to learn but find the feel of the cool smooth clay between my fingers lovely. I enjoy the way the clay molds to your movements and turns into the images you have in your mind. The process is also very healing. You make a piece and then let it dry. Once it is dry enough it is ready to go through the first firing to harden the clay. After this you can add some color by painting on some vibrant underglazes or just dunk it in a bucket of glaze. Another drying and kiln firing and voila, a unique creation to behold or a learning experience.

This process is alot like life and challenges we face. We all go through a process and face the difficult waiting and unfortunate cracks that sometimes appear. We either take our time to make it work or jump right in and figure it out. But no matter what we come through changed and having learned so much about ourselves and others. Another phenomena I have found in the studio that occurs is that the artist is very critical about whatever they are working on and most often will see little flaws that are unobservable to a bystander. We can be our own worst critic. This is not only in our creations but in the big arena of life. What we create comes from deep within us and serves a purpose so every piece is of value whether it ends up on display in a gallery to inspire or lovingly sits on a shelf in a friend's home.




My cousin recently exposed me to a new form of doodle art called "Zentangle". Online it is called the yoga of the mind.  It reminds me of the doodles and squiggles I did on my paper notebooks in high school.  It consists of repetitive patterns and shapes and is quite meditative and free flowing. I have kept an art journal for years and love to get out my markers and play. Just like my coloring book and crayolas of my childhood. One of my great inspirations for art journals has been the author, SARK.   I love her vibrant scribbles that are so full of deep meaning. Anyone can express themselves this way whether they have artistic talent or not. We can all doodle. You just need a pen and paper or nowadays an ipad, hee,hee. I am so old school but I still really enjoy my pens and paper. Sorry trees!!!! 

I love to read and write when I can. I have not written a new blog post in a couple of months so I had to plan ahead to make it happen. I also love to write poetry and find that the words come to me when I am quiet and everyone else is in bed. I am a bit of a night owl that way. I am able to reflect on the moments from the day and the feelings float to the surface to be studied.  I also love to read books. They are such a great tool for learning, exploration, escape and inspiration.  I carry a book in my car or purse for when I am waiting for the kids at school, doctor's offices, or whenever I get a few minutes.  I find reading fiction to be like dreaming with your eyes open. Some people paint with words and make such beautiful statements.  We all have our own story to tell and so much to learn from one another.

Let it out, Laugh, Cry, Create

I have been experiencing many emotional moments lately. I could list a variety of reasons or excuses for these occurrences but what does it really matter? What matters is how I make it through it all and what I decide to do afterwards.  We all deal with conflict, change, drama, negativity, sadness, disappointment, grief in different ways. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I take all the feelings and make something out of it. 


"So, the way that crying and laughing are similar is that in both cases, it is a releasing of resistance in a moving downstream. So, sometimes crying is being in a desperate place and just crying releases some resistance and moves you in the direction of downstream. Laughing always moves you, in other words, when you are really feeling humor it's always a downstream from where you are."from Jamie Southworth's FB page


When I ignore overwhelming feelings and try to bottle them up I end up having dreams that are very vivid and often work through some of what is troubling me while I sleep. I often remember these dreams when I wake. 


" Last night I dreamed about being in a desert valley. I was up on a plateau watching both of my sons wander through a meandering pathway in the sand that would lead them home. I was up so high and could see where they should go but all I could do to help was yell directions. They were not listening and were pestering each other so I was yelling at them to be nice to one another and threatening that I would call their dad if I had to. In the dream I felt  frustrated that I was up high on the hill and was trying to get down to where they were but every time I tried to find a way down the cliff was too steep and treacherous. I could not risk injuring myself on the way down because then what good would I be to my boys. I had to backtrack and go further away from them and trust them on their own in order to get to a place where I could get down safely and join them on our journey home. In the dream I remember feeling helpless, out of control and scared for all of us. "

Often the challenges I face as a Mom are like the ones I faced in this dream. There is not always an easy solution.  I have to trust that I have prepared my kids to face some things on their own.  I will not always be by their side and they will have each other. Some day when I watch them from Heaven above they will continue the pathway of life together as brothers. 
I know this may sound a bit morbid but having lost my Dad over a year ago my thoughts often drift to places like this.  I feel him watching over us and it provides great comfort and I receive such healing from my dreams and thoughts of my Dad. I will see reminders of him or one of my sons will sing a song my Dad used to sing. I often look at the clock at a certain time each day and I know my Dad is not far away. How far away is Heaven really anyway? 

Spring Cleaning of the Mind and Body

Spring Cleaning of the Mind and Body

I am trying to clean out the dustwebs that have covered my willpower and knock the dust out of the cushion of comfort from sitting in my pity. 

Time to make some changes just like the gardens that are blooming yellows, pinks and purples from the faded grays and browns of winter. 

Examine your Bad Habits:

1. What's the pay off? What do you get from it?

2. What's the trade off? What do you lose because of your habit?

3. When you look at it this way it does not seem like you are making good choices. Are you willing to "Actively" change?
What do you do now? Replace the old habit with a new one.

Now that you are "Actively"  aware each time you start to do "the habit" you have to actively chose.

Which do you value more?

It does not matter so much what it is as how you feel about it.

It should leave you feeling good about your choice. 

The only way to continue with a bad habit for very long

 is to sink back into denial of why you are doing it in the first place. 

It will get hard before it gets to be a new way of life. You will want to go backwards. You will get weak but in this "middle" is where winners are made. Wish I could say that I thought of that on my own but I heard it recently from Joyce Meyer and it was like she was speaking to me. I start things and never quite finish. 

Whether it gets too hard, or becomes less of a priority, or that I just start to believe 

that I am not worth it or cannot do it. 

 I deserve to win. So here I go. Time to shake the dust off and blossom.