It has been two years since my Dad passed away, yet it seems not so long ago. So much has happened in the past two years. A new job for my husband, a big move across several states, and my in laws also relocated to another state immediately following our move. At first all of the changes and transitions were overwhelming in the fog of loss I was feeling. Change is never easy but along with it comes growth and I have done quite a bit. The whole family has grown. We are stronger emotionally, learning more about different places and people, and depending on each other as a family for support.
Recently I heard someone speaking about leaving their body during surgery and he said that the body dies but that is all that dies and those words really made me think. All of my memories with my Dad are of us together and I grieve the loss of being with him but I have felt comforted realizing that he is still around me in a way he never could be before. A recent article on the loss of a parent said it so well,
"We do not need the wisdom of philosophers or books to tell us that we cannot go home again, that nothing will ever be the same after losing a parent. Mom or Dad will not be there to applaud our adult accomplishments or offer direction at critical crossroads, to worry about us when we are ill, or telephone "just to say hello." The dynamics and the history of our family are irrevocably changed. So are we. We now move to center stage to leave our mark on the world. But we do not move forward alone. We bring along with us a rich store of treasures from our childhood and adulthood- hard-learned lessons and principles, fond and painful memories, family celebrations and traditions. We bring who we are, thanks to the love, nurturing, and guidance we received in our formative years from the parent(s) whose presence we now miss. Our life has not lost its meaning; indeed, it has taken on new meaning as we bury part of our past and write a new chapter in our lives. And, believing in God’s promise of a life hereafter, we can look forward to a heavenly family reunion."
written by Judy Ball is a free-lance writer living in Cincinnati. She is the director of communications for the Ohio province of the Sisters of Notre Dame de Namur.
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My Dad lives on in his children and grandchildren. He shared his values, lessons and stories with us through the years. I recall bits of conversations and advice he gave. At the time I was not always a willing listener and thought I knew it all. He had a way of talking with authority and compassion and I did listen. He spoke from his experience, and his own life lessons. He was the only child of George and Annie Lou, born in Alabama. Both parents were hard workers. His Dad was a carpenter and General Contractor and his Mom was a seamstress, working in a dry cleaner and once in a factory making undergarments. My Dad worked hard to put himself through college to become a Pharmacist, working summers and getting scholarships to help him achieve his goal. I once found a letter he had written in college to his parents in which he stated that he was trying to make them proud. He owned a drug store throughout our childhood and became his own boss. This is the independence he had strived for through the years. The Drug Store was a huge part of or lives and we learned so much from being there. Working there as a teenager I got to see my Dad in a different way. He was so caring to his customers. He would go out of his way to help people in need. They called him Doctor Don, lovingly. Years after he closed the drugstore and retired he would see old customers and they would ask him if he was Doctor Don. They always spoke of wonderful memories getting nickel candy or eating at the fountain in his drug store. My Dad taught us so much through the drug store. He was responsible, caring, independent, and proud. Everything he did was to benefit others. He never had the newest wardrobe, the fanciest car, or expensive toys. He paid for his children's college educations and wanted us to never struggle as he had. He taught me how to make big decisions by writing out a list of pros and cons. I still do this and highly recommend it. Seeing it written out on paperhelps you see it more clearly. I could go on and on about all the ways he taughtme valuable lessons. I just hope that I can have as strong an impact on my boysand loved ones as my Dad has had on me.
My Dadmy teachertaught through love through talks through example
My Dadmy leadershowed me the wayshowed me myselfthrough his eyes
My Dadmy fanloved me alwaysencouraged me onwardstold me what I needed to hear
My Dadmy role modelwas not always perfectadmitted his mistakeswas always himself
My Dad will always be my teachermy leadermy fan and my role modelHe is part of me.
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